SDOTM - Playstation edition

Cool Cars For Playstation Money

I'm the last of my friends to resist shelling out for a Playstation 3. It's not that I don't want one. Getting online and whupping their butts around Laguna Seca when Gran Turismo 5 comes out in the spring is a regular daydream. But I also have a Jeep with a noisy water pump, a leaking dishwasher and a bazillion other uses for the $500 it would ultimately cost. If I'm going to blow $500 on something, shouldn't it be at least half-way practical? Naturally my mind turns to cars (a hobby that defines the term "half-way practical"). Living in Southwestern Ontario means anything under $500 will almost certainly have serious body integrity issues but just for fun, what can you get for PS3 money? A wallet-sucking, driveway-staining eyesore, that's what. But an eyesore with potential.

E21 320I

Some assembly required but probably worth the effort. Alternatively, later generation E30s can be found at this price all day long and you can go Spec E30 racing for under $15,000. But these earlier 3-series are just so cool. So what if it's in boxes? A Playstation comes in a box.

5000S Quattro:

Cram a V8 under the hood and make the other drivers at the Tall Pines Rally envious of your complete lack of concern for personal safety and well-being.

Firebird:

I can't think of a less appealing combination than a V6, automatic F-body with green-to-purple flip-flop paint. Tired of people questioning his manhood, the seller is only asking $400, which leaves $100 on the table for a dozen cans of flat black spray paint without going over the $500 24 Hours of LeMons budget cap. A V8 / 6-speed swap would go further to cure the erectile disfunction.

Supra Turbo:

The R154 transmission alone is worth the $500 but I wouldn't have the heart to part it out. A replacement 7M-GTE block isn't difficult to find but that's the easy way out. I'd rather drop in a 2JZ, throw a set of R-compounds on some cheap alloys, then go pay Howard Dexter a visit. Hmm... suddenly a Playstation seems like completely practical investment.

SDOTM! November 2009

The KIJIJI edition

Ever use Kijiji? Some desperate people on there. Cheap cars too.

Integra:

You won't find many front-wheel-drive cars in the SDOTM listings and unless I'm running a fever, you won't see much from Honda either. With few exceptions, offerings from the big H might as well have Frigidaire stamped on the trunk lid for all the excitement they offer. That said, this is one of the cleanest 'Tegs I've ever seen, utterly devoid of rice. As FWD transportation appliances go, this platform pretty much sets the bar for handling. The rare Type R would be more desirable but that's another Honda you won't find on SDOTM. They command a premium and for good reason; so many modifications were made in the name of performance (think hand-ported and polished cylinder head), Honda lost money on every Type R sold. That might just be an old wives tale but it sounds cool (and plausible). I found a nice example in Championship White listed at $13,500. That's a lot of money for a fridge.

Vega:

An original 4-speed Vega for $800! If only I knew someone who just moved into a new house in Toronto with a half-empty double garage and needed something to keep his truck from getting lonely while I source IMSA body panels and build an 8000-rpm small-block so I can go vintage racing before I die. Where, oh where would I ever find such a person? Anyone?

Volare:

$2500 is a bit much even for grandma-fresh but if it were a wagon, there'd be big trouble in the Jones household. "Gorgeous"? Even I don't think it's gorgeous but the dude gets points for making me snort my morning tea out my nose.

Thunderbirds:

I nearly bought a '78 as a winter beater before finding the Cherokee. My wife Sara had replied to the AutoTrader link with good humour until she realized I might be serious and effectively vetoed the silver, t-roofed example I was prepared to drag home. I can hear you all whispering "thank God" under your breath. Fine, how about a '76 model instead? The front end still has the personality of a brick wall but the sides and tail are slightly swoopier and the rear quarter windows roll backward into the pillar. Neat. The massive 460 ci V8 puts out a decidedly un-massive 200 hp but if you've seen the movie The Crow, you've witnessed the instant badassness created by a blower and some Cragar rims. Unlike the fake blower in the movie (given the angle it's at in this screen capture, the drive shaft would be coming out the tape deck, to say nothing of the complete lack of carburetion), a real blower would actually make some good power. These motors ran a very boost-friendly 8:1 compression and were built like bomb shelters. But cutting a hole in the hood isn't a wise move on a winter beater, so we'll just leave this one as fantasy. I can hear you whispering again.

SDOTM! October 2009

The Grassroots Motorsports $2009 Challenge edition!

On the off chance you've escaped having me expounded on the wonders of this competition to your face in excruciating detail, here are the basics: buy a car, prepare it as best you can for autocross, drag racing and concourse (yes, all 3) and don't spend more than $2009. The labour your team invests is free and selling unneeded parts from the car puts money back in your budget. Sound fun? You bet your sweet bippy.

In honour of this must-do event, my latest (longest?) Screamin' Deal Of The Month entry showcases a few possible contenders. I've pestered Mark about this for years and if he'd hurry up and build his garage and buy a welder, we could bloody well get started and shut me up. Hi Liz!

78 Civic:

People stuff 1,000cc sportbike engines in things like this. And live.

Trans Am:

Even in the blurry, washed-out photo you can tell this F-body has spent some time using rural side-road ditches as halfpipes on the way to the LCBO. But it has the V8 / 5-speed combo. Parts are cheap, hop-ups are limitless and you'd have an excuse to grow a mullet.

LS400:

You only want the engine. It's an all-aluminum, 4-litre, 4-cam, 32-valve V8 making around 250-260 hp. '97 and later versions had variable valve timing and made 300 hp and 310 ft lbs. Toyota themselves strapped a pair of turbos on one of these motors, dropped it in an MR2 and went to LeMans. For the Challenge, why not bolt it into something similarly light weight like, oh, I don't know... a Miata?

Miata:

The asking price pretty much maxes out the budget but once you've talked the guy down and sold the soft top, interior, engine and trans, you'd probably have enough cash back in the budget for a V8 from a Lexus.

Scirocco:

It's a classic Scirocco for $1000! And I bet you'd make that money back selling the interior and various hard-to-find pieces. Then you'd have $2009 to put towards an eBay turbo kit, some used R-compounds and apparently a new hood (concours, remember).

Taurus SHO:

Ford wanted to build a competitor to the 280Z, Fiero, MR2 and RX7, so commissioned Yamaha to develop a 220hp 24-valve DOHC V6 to power it. Unfortunately, by the time development was done on the car, the market for 2-seaters had cooled. Ford axed the project but not until after Yamaha had delivered the motors. What to do? Stuff them in the Taurus, add a 5-speed and give middle-aged dads something to scare the bejesus out of the kids on the way to soccer. You'd have a tough job making it a contender for the Challenge since they handle like a bowl of jell-o but a few gallons of N2O might get you in the top 10. And if things go kittywampus, a decent nitrous explosion would certainly earn the trophy for Most Spectacular Failure.

Those who've been on the SDOTM mailing list long enough may notice a glaring omission: the suggestion of stuffing a GM LSX V8 in a Nissan 240sx. While the idea still keeps me up at night, I don't think it can be done properly under the Challenge cost cap. It's really more of a Targa Newfoundland project. So there, no pic of a beat-to-hell rice rocket this issue. Happy?

If you're actually still reading and think this isn't the stupidest way ever to spend your free time, here's a link to the Challenge:

http://grassrootsmotorsports.com/events/2009-challenge/

SDOTM! Summer issue

Open your mind and hide your checkbook, it's the summer edition of Screamin' Deals Of The Month:

Nissan 240:

I know I've discussed these ad-nauseum but just read the ad: original owner and still on it's original clutch for under $1500. I've put my Mastercard in the freezer.

Audi 90:

Think of it as an all-wheel-drive Passat. Or don't. Either way, it's a VR6-powered rallycross giggle machine. Yes, the pearl white finish would make you look like a middle-aged German housewife but throwing gravel rooster-tails from all four Hankooks would make you look like Michele Mouton, who is neither German nor a housewife. Google her.

Grand Prix:

What kind of lunatic babies a brown-on-beige 79 Grand Prix? Probably the same kind who thinks it's cool enough to put in his blog. If it had the rare 4-speed manual, I'd go look but luckily for my marriage, it's an automatic.

Miata:

It's a chick car but I want it. These things make heros out of amateurs every weekend at autocross meets and track days. I'm guessing the suspension work and the LSD mean you'd be bumped up to STU class where you'd get your ass handed to you by STIs and EVOs but you'd be having more fun. Like wearing my wife's heels around the house, it would be fun on the weekends but not something I'd want to be seen in every day.

92 Roadmaster:

This is the first year this chassis came with the LT-1 Corvette engine. Imagine Dom Deluise on rocket skates. Ross Rocher Auto Sales in Stratford was kind (stupid) enough to loan me one to take to my high school prom. It handled like a waterbed on stilts but good lord, could that fat bastard boogie.